There is no such thing as one career path. Heck, maybe a career path isn’t even a thing. Expectations and climbing up the career ladder, are all (wo)man made concepts. They are constructs that exist in our mind, to help us feel safe.
In 2011 I changed careers for the first time. Or better said: I left the dream of becoming a singer and performer behind, because of severe anxiety. I walked off the stage without looking back. On to the next thing.
Until recently I haven’t looked back. And when I did, I saw how unaware I was of what I had left behind. The transition I went through happened unconsciously. And nearly ten years later, I finally found space to grieve the loss of my dream career.
In January 2020 I changed careers again. This time, I left a job that was slowly sucking the life out of me. I had been under-challenged and unhappy in my career and positions for a long time. But I stayed because hey, I had already changed the direction of my life once before. Plus: what else was I going to do?
Transition
When we are in the middle of transition, like when changing careers, we enter a space of not knowing. We do not know what the next thing will be like. Or what it is exactly that we want, what job or direction we might take. It’s a bit like trying to see something in the dark. This can be scary, and our brain will fight with all its might to get back to the knowing, back to the light. It will grab some kind of concept and hold it close: “Get a new job as soon as possible,” “It’s too late to change careers,” “You’re too old to start a new studies.” It is basically screaming: “go back to safety!”
Going through such a transition is also scary because the ideas that built our identity begin to fade and crumble. What if I’m not a performer, then who am I? What if I’m not the one who knows what she wants and ambitiously strives to get ahead? Who am I without those things?
So what then, is left. What can support us through the dark? What else might guide us, if not for the mental constructs and social expectations we’ve made up?
Our options
When facing a transition like career change, we are invited to either go through it consciously or unconsciously. Taking the route unconsciously, might mean that we never leave a dark tunnel. In my case, I’ve transitioned careers for practically ten years, all the time wondering what to do with my life, building more and more pressure. Finally, what helped me get out and into the light was becoming aware. Making conscious what had been under the surface for so long: my lost dream and performer’s heart, my values, and the understanding that I can’t pressure myself into a place of knowing without doing the work: researching, trying out things, failing, and getting back on the path again and again.
For those of us who’d like to take the conscious route, and I highly recommend it, one way of connecting yourself deeply to what you are going through is with the help of your values. Meaning the things, concepts or beliefs that are most important to you in various aspects of life, and that can help guide you on your path. Some examples are compassion, freedom, family, safety, balance, intuition or achievement (more on this list by Brene Brown from her book Dare to Lead).
It can require some work to get to the core of that what is deeply meaningful to you. And sometimes what we think is a value to us, is actually something we learned to hold as a truth. Let’s take the example of one that often comes up: financial security. When we learn throughout life that it has priority over everything else, and when we feel stuck because of it, it might be holding us back even when we are financially stable or safe. What if it is deeply important to me though not to have to worry where next month’s rent is going to come from? When I act from there it is probably rewarding to me to feel financially secure, and to have it as a value I live with. You can imagine what the effect might be on someone’s career transition, when holding financial security as a value or as a learned truth.
Making a start
If you’re at the brink of a transition, if you’ve decided to move on and change careers, here’s some questions you can ask yourself that might help you shed some light in the dark.
What have you lost and why did you want it?
What chapter in your life do you leave behind?
What mental constructs, social or other external expectations do you need to let go of?
How are you blocking yourself?
What chapter are you in now?
What is important to you now and moving forward?
If what follows from this is an exploration of your values: start with writing a list of 10-20. Then narrow it down to 5, then perhaps even 3.
Before you do anything though, I’d invite you to see how you can take the pressure off. There is no such thing as one career path. There is no such thing as too many changes, or being too old. Heck, maybe a career path isn’t even a thing. Expectations and climbing up the career ladder, are all (wo)man made concepts. They are constructs that exist in our mind, to help us feel safe.
They have nothing to do with our worthiness, our right to be, nor do they say anything about our potential.
We have infinite potential.
We can start something new, always.